Heero Yuy from da hood
by The Fairy of Death
Summary: What would happen if one day Heero Yuy, "The Perfect soldier", turned into a gansta? Chaos, stupidity and the TV guide? Yes, as well as some raps we put together in five seconds! R&R! We're desperate! ((COMPLETE!))
1. The Transformation

One day Aku-Baka was walking around Ritz's living room, looking for the TV guide when she saw something move out of the corner of her eye. It was Heero Yuy...Square Dancing...He was wearing a fluffy pink dress over top of his usual Spandex and had a green cowboy hat on. Aku-Baka stared for a few moments then decided that she didn't like the way Heero was dancing. She did the first thing that came to mind: poked him. Now, any sane person knows it's not exactly a bright idea to poke Heero Yuy but...this IS Aku- Baka we're talking about. When she poked him Heero has a quick seizure then cut off Aku-Baka's hand. She, of course, giggled and poked where her hand should have been. Heero, on the other hand, did something no one expected, exept me because I wrote this. He turned all sparkily and really girly music started to play. Yes, he was transforming into Sailor Moon...wait, no...um.  
  
It took two more episodes for Heero's sparkily transformation to complete but when it finally did he...was a gansta. Oh no. "Yo yo yo I'm a mothafunkin gansta...dog. Yo yo yo....biatch..." Aku-Baka stared, too busy too pay attention to the fact that she was bleeding all over Ritz's carpet. Heero's atire had changed from the dress to what appeared to be a full on pimp suit, in purple. "Wha'?" He asked, looking at Aku-Baka. "Ge' out on dat corner and make me som' moneh bitch." Aku-Baka backed away slowly, "What have I done?"  
  
"yo yo my homies, i'm in da house, i'm heero yuy... er... i live in a house? Yo yo my homiez, I in da 'partment! I'm Hee-chan....uhh, what rhymes with house? Yo yo my homiez, I in da basement! I'm Bob....Mouse! Mouse does!! Yo yo my homiez, I in yo' tiolet! I'm Cletus! errrr....Louse!! Yo yo my homiez! I in..somewhere! I'm Heero! ...I give up..."  
  
Aku-Baka frowned, "You almost make rap sound good. Only the lyrics rock though.Hey! WHy don't you make it a ROCK song?" Heero laughed, "Ar' yo' takin' to the great rappa Hee-chan?! Mah skillz in rappin' are wa' beyond them o' dem rockers." He smacked Aku-Baka, putting her into a coma.  
  
Author's Notes: The idea for this was created a long time ago but I never got around to it. Eventually we decied to figure out WHY Heero's a gansta...Somehow we ended up with this. It's funny and the rest will only be GW charries. We've got SOME planned out and there might be more raps. Feel free to flame. That was part of the purpose if this fic. 


	2. Duo, Whore Extrordinaire!

> "Those are some killer beats Heer- er, Hee-chan." Dorothy complimented, just a little confused as to why Heero had used such a korny rapper name. Oh well, she was only managing him for the money. "Yo hoe!" Hee-chan put his arm around Dorothy taking the time to squeeze her ass. "Look Hee-chan, you're never gonna become a big time rapper if you don't work on it." She sighed with relief as Heero's grip loosened. "I sud go show dem frends o' mine wat a killa rappa I am." Hee-chan rolled his head to one side and Dorothy hoped for a moment that he was dead. No! She scolded herself. This guy could get me major bucks. "Well then, Let's go." She forced a fake smile.  
  
Hee-chan travelled across far deserts and....ohkay, he crossed the street, to get to the coffee Shop the rest of the GW gang was hanging out at. For stupidity's purposes, let's call it CouchPotato. "Yo yo yo! Hee-chan's in da house!" All conversation stoppsed. Everyone was staring at 'Hee-chan' in his ridiculous pink jumpsuit. Quatre's face was a mask of horror. "Heero! That outfit! It clashes with your eyes!" Hee-chan glared at Quatre, "Yo' taking ta meh, bitch?" Quatre's breathing became heavy and he sat dowen, too shocked to say anything. Then Dorothy walked in. "Everyone. Meet Hee- chan." She put the fake smile on again. "We've already met Hee-chan..." Duo commented, being much more quiet than usual. Dorothy sent Quatre a look of compassion and pity. "Anyway, Hee-chan has decided to become a rapper! He's quite good I must say! Hit it Hee-chan!"  
  
"My name is Hee-chan and I'm so ill! I said I'm...I'm..I'm I'm so ill!"  
  
Heero coughed, "As if I'n go'a gi' yo' peeps mor' of my stylin's dan dat!" "Hey!" Duo yelped, "You stole that from a radio commercial!" Hee-chan sent him a glare but in his new outfit it did little good. "Loo' I'll giv' ya somma mah profits if yo' wurk fo' meh! Deel?!" The idea of working with a celebrity immediatly appealled to Duo, who agreed right away. "Anything you want!" "Goo'" Hee-chan smirked, "Ge' out on dat dere ko'na an' make me some cash!" Duo's jaw dropped open, Heero only wanted him as a whore! "Well?" Duo grumbled something under his breath but stood up anyway. "yes Master." He snorted his annoyance. "Wai' !" Heero called. "It ain't masta'! It's Sir Pimps-a-lot!" Duo couldn't hold back his snicker at the name and hurried out the door before something even worse happend.  
  
_**Author's Notes: See? No Aku-Baka! Anyway, I'm not sure what I think of this chapter and might replace it later on but..Sir Pimps-a-lot...XD Again, feel free to flame. I know I might if I were to read this. Whatever. It's not SUPPOSED to be good. It's just supposed to amuse me.  
**_  
**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gundam Wing. I only own half the rap made in chapter one, a bag of chips and a talking** **moose...er, wait...X the moose...**


	3. Mobile Slut Gundam Wing

> "Loo' u gonna hava gim'e 1 of dem reco'd deelz." Heero yelled. "Look, Hee- chan. I don't have the ability to gave you a record deal. I've never given anyone a record deal." Trowa pleaded, if Heero didn't come to his senses soon there was a fair chance he'd lose it. "Don' lie 2 mah!" salive flew  
from Heero's mouth, hitting Trowa's forehead. "I'm not lying. You know what? I'm not your manager. Maybe Dorothy can get you a record deal but I can't." Heero snorted, "Dat bitch ish busy wit mah slut." Trowa frowned,  
what exactly were Dorothy and Duo doing? Better not to think about it.  
  
Duo and Dorothy in reality weren't really 'on da korner'. They had made  
Wufei take Duo's place and run off to Toys 'R' Us, thinking Heero would  
never come there. And, of course, he came there. They were busy in the Digimon isle thinking up a plan when Hee-chan came along. He was wearing an  
itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny, yellow polka dot binkini and alot of bling bling. From the sounds of it he was singing 'Let's Beyblade' at the top of his lungs. Duo looked over at Dorothy, pure terror in his eyes. "What are we gonna do?" Hee-chan heard Duo's voice and regognized it. He quickly ran over to where he heard it from. "Mah hoe!" He shreiked. "Bu' I sa' u B4 I lef'!" Duo looked up at Heero, more scared than he had ever been before. He would have stood there, unable to move, forever if Dorothy hadn't grabbed  
his arm and ran.  
  
Duo and Dorothy hadn't been seen in weeks and Heero had kept Wufei as his new whore. His hit'Hee-chan' was topping the charts and you couldn't turn on your TV without seeing Heero Yuy's face on your screen. Whereever Duo  
and Dorothy were they weren't watching TV. In fact. Let's leave their  
disappearance a mystery for now and go to the video for 'Hee-chan'  
  
Heero appears on screen wearing a bear suit and bopping his head along to a  
bouncy cheerful beat.  
Scene switches to Wing Zero strip teasing. "Oh Hee-chan!" is screamed in the backround by a fangirl played by Quatre.  
Scene switches to Quatre strip teasing.  
"Yo! Yo yo!"  
Scene goes back to Heero.  
Back to stripping Wing Zero. "Yo I'm Hee-chan and I'm here to say! My whore's gone missin' yay yay yay!"  
Heero trying to act sad but doing a horrible acting job. Scene goes to Wufei being kidnapped by a can of Cambell's Chicken Noodle  
soup.  
"Hee-chan's in da hooouse!"  
"Hee-chan ain't no mouuuuse."  
More stripping Wing Zero.  
Quatreappears on screen trying his best to smile.  
"Oh Hee-chan!" Quatre screams, going bright red.  
Heero's back on screen, bopping along.  
"Hee-chan! I also come in pink!"  
Hee-chan gives a korny thumbs up and winks.  
Video ends.  
  
**_Author's Notes: ......Don't even ask me to explain that. If you have any suggestions for later on PLEASE review and put them in there or if you really want to you can email me or IM me. Why? I really have no idea what will come after this. The first two chapters were writtne at 1:30AM, when my writing is best. This chapter was written at 7:00PM. There is the only reason I can come up with for...this..Oh! and the next chapter will be written around 1:00AM so no need to worry!  
_**  
**Disclaimer: Wouldn't it be cool if I really DID own a talking moose? yeah. If anyone has a talking moose they could lend me I'd be happy to accept.**


	4. Cheese and Death

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Duo and Dorothy were in actually merely outside of Toys 'R' Us but Hee-chan didn't know that. He needed them though. They were his manager and best whore, though he wouldn't tell Wufei that. Doing what he thought was best he sent Quatre, Trowa and Wufei to search for them. Meanwhile, Heero headed off for da offishal rappa awardz. There he ran into a perssonal enemy of his: Fifty Cent. ((He's the only rapper I know of..besides Eminem buut...This is more fun!)) "Yo'" "Yo'" The room was silent, everyone was waiting to see what would happen next.  
  
A few days later Dorothy and Duo wandered back into Toys 'R' Us and happend to see a TV. I blonde newsreporter sat at a desk reporting the news:  
  
"In breaking news famous rap superstar "Hee-chan" has a warrant out for his arrest after killing fellow rapper "Fifty Cent" He manager cannot be reached for comment and Hee-chan hasn't been seen for 5 days."  
  
"Is he back to normal?" Dorothy asked, almost relieved. "No." Duo commented "All rappers are like that." Dorothy did the most serious anime-style-fall possible. "It's getting more serious then.." there was something akin to worry in Dorothy's voice. "I have a plan!" Duo said, raising his finger into the air truimphantly. "I know Heero's weakness!" Dorothy looked over at Duo curiously, "Weakness?" "Of course!" Duo grinned, "You didn't honestly think Heero had some sort of 'normal' weakness. The guy blew himself up! As if that's not enough of a clue right there!" Dorothy shrugged, he had a point. "Anyway, his weakness is-" Duo was interuptted as Quatre, Trowa and Wufei ran into Toys 'R' Us. "You! We found you!"  
  
**_Author's Notes: I was having so much trouble planning for this chapter but once I took a break and thought about it as seriously as one can do with a humor fic I figured it out. I had to shorten the chapter because I didn't want to give away Hee-chan's weakness so early. I've got the rest of the fic planned out now! But once I'm done I'll need ideas for the sequel!  
_**  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or a talking moose and I don't main stray animals! Now you, re-arrange my living room! Heero needs more room to square dance!! **


	5. Heero's Weakness

> "Wait!" Dorothy called out, panick in her voice. "You don't want Heero to be like that forever do you?!" I don't know.." Came wufei's response. "I kinda like this new look for me." He played with his hair. Dorothy looked down at Wufei's tube top and mini skirt. "Sure..." "What do we need to do?" Quatre asked pleadingly. "Duo?" Duo walked over to the rest of them. "Trowa, Quatre....Wufei.." A moment of silence. "Has Heero ever told you his weakness?" Trowa and Quatre shook their heads, Wufei was too busy playing with his hair extensions. "He told me. It wasn't that long ago." Duo paused, how could he continue? "Heero's weakness is...vasaline.."  
  
((A/N: Weren't expecting THAT were you?! Ha! and people thought his weakness was Relena! She's not even mentioned in this fic!!...exapt for in this little note..))  
  
"VASALINE?!" Even Wufei's mouth dropped open. "You mean that slimy stuff that has no real use what-so-ever?" Confusion was evident on Dorothy's face. "Where will we get some vasaline?" Quatre said quietly, still trying to comprehend "The Perfect Soldier"'s weakness. "We're in Toys 'R' Us." Trowa commented. "It's basically an all purpose store." Duo nodded and they headed off to the "Slimy stuff with no real purpose" isle. They bought as much vasaline as they could afford and carried it over to CouchPotato, where Hee-chan was hiding.  
  
Hee-chan was working on his new rap "Let's Beyblade" when the rest of the gang came in. Hee-chan grinned, "so yo' found 'em!" "Not so fast!" Dorothy yelled, sounding like a cheesy, 60's hero. Hee-chan stared at her, "Wha?" She opened teh lid of one of the vasaline jars. Putting her hand into the jar she took out a gob of the substance. Throwing it did little good since it stuck to her hand so she ran up to Hee-chan and rubbed it in his face. "AHHHH!!" Heero screeched in a high pitched voice. Duo rushed forward with his tub of vasaline and began spreading it over Heero. The others soon followed suit. Once he was fully covered Hee-chan began to glitter and sparkle.  
  
A few seconds later the sparkles started to dissapate. What was underneath those sparkles wasn't regular old Heero Yuy though......Everyone's mouth gaped open at Baywatch Heero. He was wearing a tight red swimsuit and had breast implants. He puffed out his chest. "What's wrong?!" He asked, sounding a little too much like Pamela Anderson.  
  
**_Author's Notes: That's it. The end of Heero Yuy from da hood. I'll be needing a name for the sequel. I'd imagine you already know what it's about if you read that last paragraph. Please review and if you have any questions you can email me though I'm more likely to get the message faster if you put it in the review.  
_**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing but I do have an account on Gaia Online.**


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